We’ve reached the conclusion of the pacing series, and I’d like to share with you what’s working now, some things that I’ve learned, and how I’m applying what I’ve learned. I’ve been working on figuring out pacing for a couple of months now and have been tracking my spoons and working with my baseline for 6 weeks. I’ve learned a lot in that time about my energy levels now and my limitations, but I’ve also learned how to work within those limitations in a way that still allows me to get the things accomplished that I really want to. I have a system now that’s working for me, and I hope it continues to work for a long time. I’m also realistic in my expectations that, with ADHD, shit happens and systems just all of a sudden break, and when that happens, I’ll need to figure out a new system.
What’s Working Now
What’s working now is a whole new energy tracking framework. It turns out that my high energy days now look like my low energy days “before,” but refusing to acknowledge that and adjust to it was only making things worse. Rating energy against my pre-burnout self meant every day came out low or medium low, and that wasn’t really an accurate picture of what my life looks like now. This was keeping my expectations unrealistic (that at some point, in this current reality, I would have a day that was closer to my “before” high). It was also not allowing for accurate tracking of my “new” medium and low energy days.
Accepting that my energy looks much different now gave me more freedom to move between high and low energy days and made my tracking more accurate and useful. When I reset what my energy bands are now, 8 out of 14 days became high days on the energy scale. Yes, I still struggle with grief when it comes to my energy limitations, but by setting realistic expectations based in my current reality, I’m able to accomplish the things that are most important to me consistently and avoid crashes and flares.
Some Things I’ve Learned
I learned that I have a much lower baseline than I wanted to admit prior to tracking. Which led to me needing to practice accepting where I am now while working slowly toward something more. And this also helped me to see more clearly why I have to take such tiny baby steps to make any progress. Because trying to take bigger steps or leaps leads to a crash that sets me back even further than I was before. Understanding this has led to slow progress instead of constant boom and bust cycles and setbacks.
I learned that the lower my perceived daily allowance is, the more energy each task that day takes. And that sucks. Because I have so little to work with in the first place so it still feels like a kick in the ass on those days. On these days, I definitely eliminate any physical activity because I know that that is the type of spoon that costs me the most. This allows me to reserve the few spoons that I have for emotional regulation and any problem-solving that needs to happen.
How I’m Applying What I’ve Learned
My focus is no longer on self-improvement, which I engaged in with unhealthy mindsets. Focusing on self-improvement meant I was never good enough, I always needed to try harder, and the work was never done. Shifting my focus to supporting myself and the reality I have right now in order to slowly move toward sustainable health, I started learning self-acceptance, how to rest, and self-compassion. This included setting healthy self-expectations and limits as much as it included healthy self-care habits like weighted blankets, a comforting cup of tea, and resting when I needed to.
I’m also setting up my week and prioritizing tasks differently. I’m looking at my week as a whole instead of each day individually. I have PT on Wednesdays, and because it is a physical activity which costs me more spoons, I need to make sure that I don’t overdo it on Tuesdays. Otherwise, I won’t have what it takes to get to my PT appointment and engage in it as fully as I need to.
I also look at everything that I want to get done in a day and pick the things that are most important. As I mentioned earlier in this series, I don’t ever know how much an activity is going to cost spoon-wise until I’ve already completed the activity. I want to make sure that I get those really important things done first, because there are a lot of times when I’m not able to finish everything on my to-do list.
Pacing has become the way that I measure my days, rather than productivity, and it’s a much healthier means of measuring my day. Making sure that I’m counting everything that I do and giving myself credit for it has allowed me to see how much I really accomplish, even on those days when I don’t tick a lot of boxes on my to-do list.
Measuring my spoons, watching my baseline, and seeing it change helps reduce the number of flares and crashes I experience. For instance, this week I had to acknowledge that my baseline is lower than I had originally believed, which led to changes in how many spoons I have available for my higher energy days. That’s okay because that’s part of what tracking my spoons is for. Overall, pacing and tracking my spoons has allowed me to have a much healthier approach to how I live my days with neurodiversity and chronic illness.
What does supporting yourself look like on a low-spoon day?
