How to Keep Your Mental and Emotional Health in the Face of Rejection
When ‘They’ Aren’t Your People
Not all people are going to be your people. Contrary to what our society seems to be pushing right now, just because someone is not “your people” doesn’t meant that they are bad, wrong, going to hell, etc. It also doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you. Here are two ways you can focus on your sphere of influence in these situations and stay mentally and emotionally healthy.
“Your people” to me is defined as those you can spend time with and not walk away feeling smaller, less than, awkward as hell, or like you need a shower. That’s a lot - which means there are likely quite a few people out there who aren’t going to be your bestie.
Don’t let the negative self-talk convince you that you’re the problem.
When you meet a group of people, and you don’t fit in, you don’t feel good in their presence or you just don’t agree with things that seem to be very important to them, don’t assume there’s something wrong with you. Take some time to process your feelings around the experience and understand why you’re feeling the way you do. Then recognize and document the ways the people involved aren’t an ideal fit in your community. It’s very common for us to overly focus on why we didn’t fit in with them and miss the ways they didn’t fit in with us.
Don’t assign judgement to them.
This one can be really hard - because there are times when another group’s different beliefs can be harmful to you. Please understand I’m not implying that their beliefs are okay or should exist unchallenged. However, even in these circumstances, we have to be mindful and choose not to dehumanize others.
In instances where you don’t click because of personal preference, it’s important to remember that they aren’t evil, stupid, etc. They’re just people who believe differently or like different things. And that’s okay. You don’t have to tear them down to make yourself feel better for not fitting in with them or to make your beliefs or choices more valid.
We’ve all experienced times when we felt alone in a crowd of people. Usually these are groups we either thought we should fit in with (a faith community we grew up in), or that we desperately wished we could fit in with (the popular people). These groups are different for everyone, but by focusing on what we can control, we can keep ourselves in a healthier, more focused place.
Bring Your Perspective
How do you respond to people and groups that you don’t click with?
What is the best way you’ve found to process interactions with people whose beliefs are harmful to you or your community?
Note As always - any content published that deals with relationships acknowledges that situations of abuse or hate are ALWAYS exceptions.