I made it through my first face-to-face breakfast with my team because of a squish ball under the table.
Back when I was still able to work, two team members who I worked very closely with were in town, and we decided we were going to meet up for breakfast. They were based out of one of our Texas offices, and I live in Arizona, so it was the first time that we were going to meet face-to-face. With autism, ADHD, and agoraphobia, even the idea of meeting two people who I had interacted with for years was daunting, not to mention leaving the house to do so. Since I had at that point been through my initial round of residential treatment and outpatient treatment, I knew that some accommodations and sensory tools could be beneficial for me. I took my travel sensory toolkit with me and ended up playing with one of my squish balls the entire time that I was at breakfast.
It was subtle, something that I could do under the table that wasn’t glaringly obvious, but it helped me to remain grounded and calm enough to make it through the breakfast without anxiety attacks or panic attacks. Allowing ourselves the accommodations that we need is a form of living as our authentic self, whether we are dealing with neurodivergent needs (such as sensory sensitivities or other accommodation needs) or if we’re dealing with a chronic illness. Allowing ourselves to accommodate our needs is honoring who we are and our reality.
These accommodations can be anything from fidget toys to a chair in your shower or buying a simple bathrobe (so that you don’t have to experience your body being dry but your hair still being wet, and now your hair is dripping onto your body, and it’s just a whole sensory overload).
Using Accommodations “In the Wild”
Accommodations in the wild can feel very weird at first. Some of them aren’t as subtle as a squish ball under the table. For instance, using light-blocking sunglasses while you’re shopping at Walmart can be incredibly beneficial for the overstimulation of too many bright colors and fluorescent lights, but I know when I first started using them I felt like everyone was going to be staring at me and judging me. Which just exacerbated my agoraphobia.
We’ve spent our whole life ignoring our needs and sensitivities, or being told that we’re wrong for having them and that we just need to suck it up. For me, there was almost a sense of shame in needing to go out in public with these noise-canceling headphones or light-blocking sunglasses (or any of those types of things), and I struggled with the idea that people would actually see me using them. Still, life became much more manageable when I allowed myself these accommodations.
After using more obvious accommodations repeatedly and noticing that people didn’t care as much as I thought they would, it became easier to use them more and more. Using those accommodations gave me a level of independence that sensory overwhelm had taken from me. I began to care less and less what anybody thought.
Difficulty with auditory processing or bright lights, temperature or texture sensitivities and so many others are all valid concerns that require tremendous amounts of masking and energy to deal with. Any way that we can lessen that load allows us to use our energy more in the areas we want to. If a pair of sunglasses inside a building was going to allow me the freedom and independence to go shopping for yarn at the craft store, or swing by the grocery store to pick up a couple of items by myself, then I didn’t really care what other people thought!
Practical Ideas for Using Accommodations
One of our core beliefs here at Wisdom & Ish is “No one method works for everybody,” but I do want to share some ideas on how to ease into using accommodations that may help you on your journey.
Start with accommodations in the home. If you’re using accommodations in a way that you don’t have to worry about judgment from the broader world, you can start gently working on the internal messages that try to shame you for needing accommodations. I have weighted blankets all over the place in my home. I have a shower chair that I use. I have stuffies and soothing blankets that provide me comfort when my anxiety is going through the roof. I have all kinds of accommodations and aids in my home that I started using long before I tried to use any type of accommodation outside of the home.
Once you move up to using accommodations outside of the home, start small. Wearing noise-canceling headphones is actually not as much of an oddity as your inner gremlins may be telling you. You’re using them to help you deal with sensory overload, but to anybody else, it just looks like you’re listening to music or something along those lines.
Slowly ease your way into more obvious accommodations as you feel comfortable. These accommodations can include things like mobility aids that you may need to move around and navigate with more independence. Being able to do something that you enjoy for a longer period of time because you chose to use a mobility aid is freedom.
What are some accommodations that you’ve started using either in the home or in the wild?
Still figuring it out with you,
Samantha
